Happy Thanksgiving Angel

Pirates of the Carribean you guys weren't.  You were all much more beautiful.  I could write a book about all that has happened since you have sprouted your own wings Jess. I miss you soooo much.  It's Halloween night and no kids have come to our door.  What a change from when you were trick or treating.  Remember the hay rides in Omar with Tigger leading the pack.
Love You
Mom 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMELIA AND ELAINA.

Hi Miss Jess,
So many memories go flying by.  So many of our loved ones have left this earth.  If it wasn't for the memories that keep us connected to you, what would we have?  It has been just 8 years ago that Jon was taken from us.  Gone in an instant.  Where would he be now in his life if he were still here.  In just a few days from now he would have been 48 years old.  Then there is you.  Taken from us because of a vaccine that so many young girls and now boys are loosing their lives and hopes and dreams with adverse reactions to this killer they call gardasil. Mom, bless her soul lived to be a very old woman just waiting to go be with the Lord and all who have gone before.  Memories, oh those memories.  They are what we look back on and remember.  We all miss you all so very much.  Shine on miss Jess. 

hi jess, we had the pleasure of having miss Josey at camp this weekend, it brought back great memories for mom of you. Bless Her Heart

Jess take Great Grandma's hand today and show her the way.  She is with you, Jonny and all the many members of our family that have gone before us.  Grandma will be misssed so much from all, but we know she is in a much better place.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS FROM THE ONES WHO LOVE AND MISS YOU

                                HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS JESS

Today you would have been 23 years old.  There is not a day that goes by that you and Jon are not thought of.  I know today will be a hard day for your mom to get through.  Be with her and give her strength.  So much more is going on now concerning Gardasil.  The video will be coming out soon telling of the families that have been grieving with the loss of a member that has died or has been effected with adverse side effects by this vaccine.  We continue to fight because of you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS

This is a picture of me when Jess, Tim and myself went for a bike ride in the fall of 2004,  I was happy then and everything was going our way.  When I look at the picture now I see someone who was happy, some how I just don't feel like that person anymore.  I'ts just so different without you Jess I feel kind of lifeless.  I miss you

It's so hard to believe it has been 5 years ago today that I received the call to tell me you were gone.   I could not believe what I was hearing.  My heart stopped for a brief second.  It could not be true!!!  I was getting ready for a dinner that the men of our church have every year to show their appreciation to the women in the church.  Stan and I will be going again tonight as the dinner is tonight.  My heart will not be in it because I will be thinking of that phone call I received 5 years ago when our whole world changed.  I think back to what your plans were and where you would be in your life at this time if you were still with us. My thoughts at that time were how to get up there to be with your mom.  Planes were not flying and trains were all booked up because of the bad  snow storm the east was having.  Driving was the only way to get there.  We loaded up mom (she was here with us at that time) and Stan and I started for Verginia where brother Steve met us and drove mom and I the rest of the way north.  Stan returned home. It seems like only yesterday that this all happened.  The years pass but your memory will always be with us and all the fun times we had. KEEP SHINING ON MISS JESS. 

5 years ago today it was winter vacation from school. I was in New Hampshire with Amanda. You and I had talked or texted everyday. You were busy going to your distant learning college classes at jcc and pitching for softball. Every spare moment you got you were throwing that softball at the barn to practice your aim and speed. I had not felt right that whole day, it was almost 4 in the afternoon and I had yet to get a silly message from you. People would have thought it all was a joke because we are such a small community where nothing like that really happens. But I knew it wasn't. My heart just sank, I fell off the couch to my knees crying. As Amanda just looked at me I had to find the words to tell her. I hated myself for being far away when it happened, hated myself for not being here with you. But I think that's what god planned because if I would have been here I am sure I would have been with you when it happened. I would have probably spent that night at your house like i did often. I wish I knew what you felt that morning, what was running through your mind, did your head hurt? Did you sleep good? All the questions I want to ask you. I wish you could be here now. 5years later and see everything that has changed. I hate that I look so young in all our photos together, I hate how we have no recent photos. I miss you so much Jessie.. I know your with me today and everyday

5 years ago tonight we sat on the couch together and did a Sudoku puzzle.  5 years ago tonight you told me your head hurt again.  5 years ago tonight I said to you I love you, see you tomorrow before I gave you a kiss and went to bed. Because 5 years ago yesterday you had your 3rd Gardasil vaccine.  5 years ago tonight I will see you alive no more.  I will love you forever my daughter.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY.  The picture says it all.  I LOVE you.  I MISS you.  I could have never imagined that this website that is dedicated to you would have over 100,000 visits. That blows my mind.  I Love You.   MOM

picture goes with Jan 14th entry

Hi my Jess, I had the worst day at work today, I just couldn't hold it together for some reason.  I cried all day.  Everytime someone asked me what was wrong I just cried harder but I just kept working because if I took a break and went to the locker room it was worse.  So I just kept working and missing you.  I feel so bad for my co-workers because they just don't know what to say to me.  It will be 5 years in 21 days and I still feel like it was yesterday that Tim and I came home from work to find you.  That day will be imbedded in my mind for as long as I live.  I miss your smile and your laugh and everything about you.  You need to visit Emilia more often but next time you could be a little cleaner. Love you.  P.S.  I could use a visit from you too.

I thank god everyday for your mom and Tim. They continue to save lives everyday by sharing your story and spreading the word. They are two amazing people who love you so so much. I am not sure yet how your mom keeps it all together so well. Sometimes when I just wanna fall apart I think of her and how strong she is. Sometimes these last five years Feels like forever. So much has changed in my life. Turned 21, fell in love with a boy, married him, moved out of my parents and put in our own house together, really started my life.  But then sometimes it's feels like last week that I got the dreadful phone calls that became reality. I have been really down lately and just needed to hear from you. And you always seem to answer. You met me in my dreams for only a few minutes but you let me know you still can hear me. Elaina, Sarah, you and I were all at my house  getting ready to go to work at the gals. I made you take a bath before we left becasue you were filthy from laying in your casket for so long.  I even made you drain the bath water before I took a bath because it was so brown. I told you that's what you get for staying in there so long. Haha. jessie if you really woke up and came back I wouldn't care how filthy you were. We had a great laugh. I love you lady, and I sure love hearing from you. Thanks for the little things they mean the world

 Took a funny photo to post here. Reminds me of you and all the funny photos we would take with funny faces.

There are so many times that I come to this site and I just don't know what to say,  so I pick a picture that makes me smile to share.  We lived in Rochester when this photo was taken. You thought you were going to put on make-up like mom, but it was a magic marker you used instead of real make-up.  I had fun trying to remove that.
Love you Jess. 

It's the day after Christmas and not a creature is stirring here in the house and I think of you and Jon and missing you both.  The Holidays are the hardest to get through without having you here to speak to and know that you had a wonderful Christmas.  I know, where you are is where we all will be someday and that helps.  Keep those stars shining brightly.  Miss you GREATLY.  grandma Dennie  

Merry Christmas Jess, missing you today.

Hi Miss Jess,

What to say? Only that you are so very missed.  I miss our little talks.  I miss the smile in your voice.  Most of all I miss you so very much.  I think of you and Jon so much lately.  More so than usual.  I guess it's the Holidays.  I get on your website and want to write but what to say?  Today at Church I spoke to a woman who's mother of 92 just passed away.  We spoke of those that have gone before and where they are and we wish we could be there also.  Not only because of WHAT A GLORIOUS PLACE IT IS but because of those that ARE ALREADY THERE.
We all miss you so much.  Keep shining on Miss Jess.

Some people say it gets easier over time, but when it comes to this time of year I find it gets much harder.  I have to force myself to do anything that has to do with Christmas.  Decorating, shopping, wrapping gifts, to me it's all depressing and I don't want to do it.  I miss you so much it hurts, truley.

jess, thanks for all the blessings you make happen for mom. she has had a rough road losing you. 

Here we go again, it's that time of year when we have to think about keeping warm this winter.  Tim and I have started to load the cellar with wood for our wood stove.  It's alot of work but I still think it's worth it.  With the price of fuel oil it would be a struggle to keep warm this winter.  I miss you Jess because you always liked to help with wood also,  You were an expert stacker,  you learned from me when you were little.  Halloween is next week and you loved to decorate and carve pumpkins.  Matt and Jenn and Jenn's brother Justin, Emilia and Tony came over last saturday night and we all carved pupmkins. We had fun.  MY heart aches for you everyday.

Hey Jess.
Miss you! I turned 16 a while ago can you beleive it? Soo that means i can get my drivers license in a couple months :). I just hope i dont break down when im driving up at camp like you did. ;P I miss our camp adventures lol. I still look at what you wrote in the book every once in a while, makes me think of how much things have changed. You'd be all grown up by now, just like Emilia lol. As soon as i turn 18 im going to get a tatoo of a key for you Jess. We all miss you and think of you often. I hope your having fun up in heaven. Love you Jess <3. 
P.S: Tim and you mom's card they gave me for my birthday made me cry <3.