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Hey Jessie,
Been thinking about you alot. it seems like with every passing day i think about you more and more and realize how much i miss you. i also realize how much of an impact you had on the people around you. At our softball game vs. TI the fielding ump was talking about how far our pitching has come. he was like where is the blonde haired pitcher you guys had, and so i told him you were playing with the gods now and he was totally shocked. i had realized from your funneral and your calling hours just how many people you had touched but when that ump asked me where you were it made me realize that you had touched so many people. and i realize that all of those people you have touched are hurting as bad as i am. You are such an amazing person Jessie! and i do belieze that this softball season we are gonna win all the games we can untill there are no more games to win with you right by our side. You have such an amazing mother Jess she goes to our home games to cheer us on.... i'd have to say that she is the strongest lady i know. My prayers go out to your whole family! I love you Jessie!! and i miss you!
Kristen
Hey Jessie gurl, I miss you like crazy. Tonight The LA gurls are going to have a girls night; Movies, Sing It, Pizza, everything but you. We haven't had a chance to hang out in a little while and I think we need to just get together and share millions of past memories, Cuz I know everywhere I go or just about anything I see there is a story or a thought that comes quickly back to my mind. I'm not sure If Jessie told anyone this but I have been driving on my own now for 2 years as of April and I experienced my first road kill with Jessie. And this was only probably in January. We were on our way to Watertown, Jessie was driving and we always took Carter Street out to Watertown. So we were almost approaching Rt 12 and we were jamming really loud to our crazy tunes, we had the windshield wipers going because it had been raining. Suddenly we heard a huge smack on the windshield and we looked and there were feathers on the windshield. Then they quickly disappeared because of the wipers. But we didn't see the bird we just heard the smack and saw feathers. We laughed soo hard the whole way to Watertown. I have no idea how the hell Jessie managed to drive the rest of the way to the city after that because I know I was peeing my pants in laughter. God I miss those days. I miss the days Jessie and I would roll on my bedroom floor, laughing. My laugh made her laugh and I laughed even harder. We would get soo tired me and that girl could laugh for 10 minutes straight. I miss my pull up service. Anytime it would be raining Jessie would always pull up to the door to get me, cuz she knows i melt in rain. One time we were in the mall parking lot, She was giving me a piggy-back ride to the car, and i pinched her butt and she jumped and dropped me smack on the pavement. Then she tripped and fell. We both got flattened on the black top. We just sat there and laughed. It hurt but it was funny. Imagine how many ppl were stare'n at us. Yeah we were crazy. Just like Tim said we were partners in crime. I could ramble on all night but like i said i got an LA Gurls date. I miss you everyday every minute. I have been having a lot of aweful nightmares lately sleeping in my bed, I hope they'll go away soon. Keep your head up Mama Lisa, Tim, I love you. So does Jessie!!!
Always And Forever
partners in crime
Hi Jess, I miss you so much, it seems harder and harder everyday. I am still so lost. Whenever I see this picture all it is missing is a set of wings, which I'm sure you are getting used to in heaven. This afternoon I went to my second softball game to watch your team play. I tried to keep my face from showing how hard it was to watch the girls play without you. I hope they play softball in heaven, you'll be their starting pitcher. Everyone is trying to keep a brave face on, at times I see it is not easy for alot of people, as specially Jessie's friends. I know they are hurting just as much as I am. We all try to be strong for each other because if one of us broke down we all would. Jess they had memorial patches made with your initials and they are being passed out to the softball and baseball teams for their jackets or wherever they want to put them. I keep searching for my normal life again but right now it is nowhere in sight. I hope someday I will come close to finding it because what I am living now sucks.
hi jess-i love ya sweets
This picture was taken on New Years Eve this year. We spent the night plaing High School Musical Sing It and talking for hours about who knows what. I miss those nights so much, laughing and taking about nothing but yet never running out of anything to say. It seems impossible to look at old pictures and see your face, Jessie, and know that now when we take pictures there is going to be a huge hole. I know that you will be will us in spirits but to know that you are physically not here- to not see your face, your smile, to not hear your voice-it hurts so bad. I expect everyday to get a little bit easier, but instead I just miss you even more. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life and I am so thankful that I have amazing friends and family to help keep me on my feet everyday. Jess, I will never be able to thank you enough for the important lessons in friendship that you have forever left imprinted on the hearts of the LA Gurls. I love you so much Jessie.
Today was my 45th birthday, today should have been a day of celebration, today should have been spent with my Jessie at my side teasing me because I was so old. Today should have been a day of happiness. Today was the worst birthday of my life. Jessie was not here. Thank god for Tim and all my friends, they are doing the very best they can to help me thru this. Last night they all surprised me with a party, cake and presents, what would I do without them. On Thurday the 24th of April when Tim and I got home from work there was a message to call the Medical Examiners office. I have prayed for so long that we would have some kind of an answer for Jessies death. But as it turns out we will never know what took Jessie away from us. As I spoke to Dr. Livingstone and learned there was a large amount of effort put into this case, I knew very soon there was no explanation for Jessie' passing. It is a Natural Death with causes Unknown. I guess we will have to learn to accept that answer, if it was different it wouldn't have brought her back anyway. It just puts me even more in the dark as to why would a perfectly healthy happy drug free teenager be gone for no reason whatsoever. As for the Gardasil vaccine, there is no way of proving if it was the cause. A report was sent to the CDC concerning Jessie's death. If a cluster of other teenagers start to drop dead a few days after their vaccine then that will put a red flag in front of them but that is the only way it could be proven. On Saturday, Tim, my dad, Emilia and myself, went to the cemetary to dig and hole and pour a footer for the head stone to sit level on. Emilia and I brought some momentoes to put in the cement and we put our handprints on the cement before it dried. It feels like I'm watching a movie, it doesn't seem real to me, but then I feel my stomach drop to the ground and the pain of Jessie not being here hits me like a sledgehammer and I feel I won't make it thru this.
Jess, We went to Muddville yesterday and won both games- making us the Muddville Tournament Champs!!! We won for you girly! The yellow sign in the front of this picture will hang on our backstop at the field so everyone we play can see it! We played really really well, I'm so happy!
I love and miss you more and more each day Jessica Faye!
Love always and forever,
Sarah
hi sweety, whats crackin? well we poored the foundation for the stone,emilia,mom,grampa and paul and amy were there,mom and emilia put some cool things in the cement and their hand prints. the girls won their games yesturday,woooo hoooo l.a. Girls softball! Barb and Dean Morrow planned a surprise birthday party for mom last night at their house,it was sooo cool Jess. I got her this beautiful Magnolia tree i'm gonna surprise her with this morning. I am booked for the summer landscaping and have been putting it off so i can be home. I can't wait any longer so mom will be here alone every night,i know you'll be here with her and that puts me at ease. I'm sure friends will stop and call,i'm not sure if i'm ready to go back to it. Jessie the morning after you passed i sat here and cried and wrote down on a piece of paper that i was sorry that this happened to you, and promised that i would find out why this happened and that there would be closure and understanding. So i started researching the Gardasil shots you had and found all sorts of bad things that have happened to other young girls. I became hopeful that maybe this was the cause and that we could do something to prevent it from happening to other girls. Then when we finally got our answer from Dr. Livingston and he told us they found nothing and the cause of death was natural causes i just didn't want to accept it. How in Gods name,with all the technology they have nowadays can they find nothing at all? i just have a hard time swallowing this. What can i do? Where do we go from here. I feel i'm not ready to lay down my sword and just have this gut feeling the answer is right there in front of them. Mom and Matt are going to get checked for this heart eurythmia they said was probably the cause. A freak thing that happens to one in 100,000 kids and athletes. Now i'm researching this and finding its more common than i thought. Out of all the things that have happened and all the information i've found i am glad of one thing, that is that the reason was knowones fault. Mom has tried to blame herself and the results prove there is no fault on her part and that in itself means the world to me. Jessie,i love you my daughter,i miss you terribly more everyday. I don't think its right or fair what has happened to you. I don't think its right your family endures this pain. I promise i'll do everything in my power to see them through.
First I will start by saying I had to put this picture on here. Jessie drew it on a note that she passed to me in Physics class. Yeah Jessie and I never payed attention in that class. Thats all we did was laugh, talk, whisper, draw, and pass notes. Anything but pay attention to Mr. Fairchild or take boring physics notes off the overhead. Well anyways she named that face she drew Beatrice. See, just like Jessie said, Tim's sense of humor was rubbing off on her. lol. Im sry we'll never find out about what really happened. Only Jessie and God will know. I just want to know How? How could they not find ANYTHING? Nothing in her head? Nothing? What ever happened, Jessie is safe and painless now. She really is. She's free and shes looking out for all of us. I miss her everyday like crazy. I went to bed the other night and I set my alarm clock on my phone. I always do every night to wake up at 7 o'clock for school. So anyways I set it like normal. I set it to the song realized by Colbie. I usually do cuz its the last ringtone i downloaded so its on the top of the list. So i just select it. Well I woke up that morning to the song "Stop and Stare" by One Republic. The weird thing is, is that this song was the last song I heard with Jessie. We were sitting in her moms jeep and she was dropping me off at my house and this song came on and we just sat there and listend to it. I waited until the whole song got over, before getting out. We loved that song. I think Jessie was with me that morning getting me up. hahaha she never could get up ontime for school, so now she has to get me up. I love and I miss her soooo much. I hurt more and more for her everyday. I just dont no what to do without her here.
Mariah Carey Bye Bye Lyrics
Songwriters: N/A
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye
As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up some times
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown full things separation brings
You never let me know it, you never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
Theres so much more left so say
If you were with me today face to face
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3
Bye bye
And you never got a chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
Am standing right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Bye bye bye bye bye bye) x3
This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamma's, daddy's, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye, bye
Chorus
I never knew I could hurt like this (I never knew it)
And everyday life goes on like (everyday of my life I wish)
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile” (I wish)
“Miss you but I try not to cry”
As time goes by (I wish, I wish, I wish as time goes by)
And as soon as you reached a better place
Still I’ll give the world to see your face
And we were here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye
(Its hard to say bye bye bye bye bye bye
So come on somebody sing it with me
Wave your hands up high
Hey hey, this if for my peoples who just lost somebody
So this is for everybody
You put your hand to the sky
'Cos we will never say bye bye)
doesn't she look soooo cute all curled up with her curlers on
Another softball game down.....Played with nothing but heart and won again for Jessie. So far were 2 wins and 0 loses. Thanx Jessie for helping us out and keeping us strong and tight like a family. I often find myself in the outfield staring up in Heaven just wondering why? Hang in there Lisa and Tim, I know we'll get an answer. How could we not? We have to find out! We have too! I pray to God everynight that we will soon kno. Just hang in there and I love you both more then anything. I'll always be here I promise. Jessie is here to. I know she is, I can feel her. Like i said before, She promised me she would never leave me, she always promised she would always be my best friend, and That i would be hers. She always said she would be here for me. You have to believe she is. I know she is. She wouldnt leave. I know she wouldnt thats not Jessie. I love you Tim and Lisa, keep your heads up for me, and the LA gurls. Smile, were all here for you. We all love you!!!
Spring is beautiful to me but not so much this year. Everything I see, do, hear, reminds me of you Jess. You were always right there with us when we did stuff outside. Planting, raking, washing the cars. I miss you so much. Life seems meaningless without you, I have no focus anymore, I just go through the motions day by day. There is no purpose anymore. It's almost 8 weeks since your death and still we have no answers. Please give me strength to get through the pain, it is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. I love you my daughter, my best friend, my heart.
hi angel,have you taught the other angels its ok to act goofy and laugh at yourself yet? well the 27th is moms birthday,another year gone by,was it a good one?, well most of it was spent with you in our lives so yes it was an awesome year. i am about half done doing the body work on your jeep,dakota morrow is taking care of my landscaping customers so i can be home,he did a great job at Duane and Pat Chalks for me. We tilled the garden yesterday, mom rebuilt the rock wall that fell over the winter and trimmed up the 7 trees we planted. Red is enjoying a horses life able to stay out in the pasture all day. at church Sunday night they are having a covered dish dinner and they are surprising grampa Schryver with an award for all of his years of service to the church and surrounding community,pretty awesome huh. He was over raking the church lawn yesturday,pretty soon he'll be mowing everyday. Gramma got her new car its sweet,pretty sporty. Soon we'll be pooring the cement for the footer to your stone,can't wait to get everything looking good. You'll have the best landscaped and most visited. The little things are still happening that let us know your here. the other day we got in the jeep to come home from work and mom pulled out your ipod from her purse and your picture was stuck to it,nothing sticky on it but it clung to it. I was sorting through the bucket of scrap sandpaper throwing out what was bad and a lil pink heart you must have made in school popped out,i cried and put it in the console of your jeep. I have your picture and the memory sticker on my cart at work,your with me all day making people smile and the elderly residents all comment on how beautiful you are. I even have some of them giving the peace sign and saying shine on. I chatted with a 107 year old lady who is from Omar on Friday,she remembered grampa and great grampa,what a corker she is,a real hummdinger lol. Well angel it seemed good to chat with you,peace out and shine on!
Jessie always stressed the importance of friendship. To think back i think Jessie was chief of the LA gurls. It was her idea.
I just wanted to say that I completely agree Emilia. Jessie, you started this amazing friendship. Words cannot even begin to express the bond that we will forever share, it is honestly a blessing.
Here is the picture that started it all: the L.A. Gurls.
I miss you terribly Jessica Faye!
Love always and forever
~Sarah
Jessie, My partner in crime, My best friend and my hero, I miss you sooo much. I'm still in NYC. I return home in three days. I cant wait to see mama Lisa and Tim, but its also so sad for me coming back. I hate it. I read what ur mom posted on here about the vaccine that you got. They tried giving it to me but I was in for foot surgery and my parents thought it would be best for me not get it at that time, because they didn't want me to get sick or an alergic reaction to it right before surgery. Cause that would mean i wouldn't get cleared for surgery. So thankfully Elaina and I haven't recieved it. I know everyone must blame themselves in some way for what happened, Because i know i do everyday. It's no ones fault. God set a plan for Jessie, and theres a reason she isn't physically here right now, I know that. So everyone else needs to know that also. I miss her sooo much. Every time I tell a story or hear someone else telling a story I always bring up Jessie in some way. Because she was always with me. She was a best friend that any girl would dream to have. And I am so lucky. Jessie always stressed the importance of friendship. To think back i think Jessie was chief of the LA gurls. It was her idea. And when we fought very rarely she always knew how to pull through. From day one of kindergarten when i walked in the room and saw Jessie playing with barbie ponies, I knew she was my best friend. I think of Jessie hear with me 24/7. Often when Im out driving by myself, i look over a lot at the passenger seat and think of Jessie sitting there. I often crank our favorite songs and jam, I know shes there with me rock'n and roll'n. I love and miss her soo much. xoxo
I love looking at pictures because it brings back so many good memories. When we took this picture we were on our Spanish Club trip in Montreal at the Botanical Gardens and when we saw this tree we had to take a picture in it! I'm sure we put on quite the show trying to climb it. Well, it turns out you arent allowed to climb on trees at the botanical gardens becasue when we finally got down, some lady chased us in a golf cart!! hehehe!! Oh well, it was totally worth it beacause the picture turned out awesome!
I miss you Jessie. I love you!
~Sarah
Today was not a good day for me. My mind keeps going back to what could have happened to take you away from us. It always keeps coming back to the
Gardasil vaccine that you had. As I think back on the months before your death, things come to me that I never thought about before. Your first shot was in July and now I can remember that you were tired more than you should have been. In Sept after your second shot you started complaining of a spot on the back of your head hurting. You thought it was a tumor but I could feel nothing. After a few more complaints about your head we went to the Dr. and they found nothing. Still you were tired and would be on the couch sleeping alot when Tim and I got home from work, but I thought nothing of it because you were always up late doing homework or talking on the phone with your friends. You had your third and final Gardasil shot on the 20th of February. Just before I went to bed on the 21st you mentioned your head hurt again. You died that morning on the 22nd, just 2 days after your Gardasil vaccine. It seems to much of a coincidence to let me dismiss it. My advice to anyone that reads this is to pass it on to any of your friends. DO NOT get the Gardasil vaccine, things do not seem right with the research that we have been doing on the Vaccine. I LOVE YOU JESS!!. Please forgive me for allowing you to have the shot without further research.
R.I.P. JESSIE
Hey Jess, How's Things? This is so very hard for me to do, I still can't stop crying.Maddie misses you very much. She's made a memory box for you. she has alot of the things you have given her over the years in it, including the little blue bikini!!!.She also has printed off some of the pictures from the slide show and made a scrapebook. i think they keep you you close to her and give her comfort.I give her lots of hugs for you. I think of your Mom and Tim everyday,and wonder how they are doing. I know somehow you are holding them up and giving them love and strentgh. We were thinking of planting a little garden up to camp for you and Jonny and Grandpa, out in front where Grandma had her's. Hope you'll like it ! Jess we miss you so much
I wrote to you about a week ago but can't find it. I guess I put it in another catagory and it got lost. I could'nt see for the tears. I got the letter your mom sent me that was in the box with your balloons from the lady in VT. I wrote to her today after I read the letter over and over again. She is a very special person to take the time to write such a wonderful uplifting letter. I had a meeting at church tonight and one of my friends told me to tell about the balloons. I told about the letter and then explained where your birthday balloons ended up. I had them crying. I am blessed that I have good friends that I can talk to when I am troubled. A couple of my friends have lost husbands so they know what I am feeling at this time. I guess the question will always be WHY!!!! Only God knows and maybe someday we will know. Life does go on and we can only live from day to day. We do have such wonderful memories to hold you in our hearts. Shine on Miss Jess.
Hi my Jess, I miss you so much, the days just haven't gotten any easier for me. It is so painful to think of you gone. My stomach hits the floor everytime I think about it. It seems so weird that life goes on around us everyday, but my life has been changed forever. Speaking of Life goes on, your cousin Margaret is due anyday now, she is going to have a boy. About a week after you passed away I got a card from another cousin of mine and inside was a copy of this. A PARABLE OF IMMORTALITY. And it reads like this. I am standing upon the seashore, A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says " there she goes! ". Gone where? Gone from my sight-that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the places of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, " there she goes!" there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, " Here she comes!!" The End. I know you are with me everyday, I can hear your voice talking to me, I can see your face, but the hardest most painful part is knowing I can't physically touch you anymore, I miss the hugs and Kisses. I love you so much.
We took this picture right before February Break at the Varsity Boy's Sectional Game. Jessie had just gotten her new red camara and of course we had to take pictures with it : )
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