思い出
August 22, 2008. Six months. I tortured myself at work today, and the clock was the instrument. I would look at the time and think that you wouldn' have been up yet, then I would look again and think soon you would have been out of bed. Then I looked at the clock and I knew you were gone by now. Did you call my name before it happened? Did you even know what was happening? I ask myself and God why wasn't I there for you when you needed me the most. Why did you have to be alone when this happened?
And another question, why do WE not know what happened, why are you gone? Elaina and Emilia are leaving for Plattsburg tomorrow, Jessie should have been going with them. ALL Jessie's friends have gone off to college, and it makes me feel so lonely.
Its been exactly a half year from today that you have been gone. Just doesn't seem possible. I still think about you all the time. Tomorrow I'm off to Plattsburgh with Elaina. I really don't wanna go. Just not ready to leave my home and the farm. I wish more than anything you cld be here. Everything I do Jessie I do for you. I love you and miss you soooo much. Please be with your mom and Tim when I'm gone to college. Please help them Jessie, let them know your here. Don't wry I'm bringing rat turds with me to college.....along with all the LA gurls pictures.
ALWAYS AND FOREVER LA GURL
jessie i thought about you all week before Omar Days! how you would have been all excited and helping to get ready,i think about you when me and your mom are in the garden,how you'd be right out there helping. i think about you when i mow the lawn,how you'd be out there mowing when we got home from work without being asked-going as fast as the mower would go. i think about you when i shoot baskets and how i'd always kick your butt playing horse.i still think about a lot and really really miss your spirit. i loved you like you were my own daughter,i would have given my life to save yours. I just hope someday we can find the cause .i know you'll help make it happen! shine on angel shine on
Hey jess i miss you soo much!!!! I had a great time at camp a couple weeks ago we all just wished you were there!!! I got towed around on the dock it was prety cool!!! We have been sellin tickets like crazy for the fourwheeler!! I Miss you tons and i think about all the good memories we had everyday like when just you and me swam laps in the creek, and old fort patriot!!! I could go on and on for days with all the great memories we had!!!
Love
Ur Lil' Bro
Hey Jessie Gurl, Wahoo the second Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants comes out to theaters on Wednesday. Something we have been waiting for, for one whole year now. We LA Gurls are just like the sisterhood. Its about four gurls who pass a pair of magical jeans around who are all best friends and are just like Sarah, Elaina, me, and Jessie. We started the LA Gurls after the first Sisterhood movie came out. We passed around a journal we called "the book" we had three of them. One our sophmore year, our junior year and a quarter of our senior year of high school. That book was our life, we exchanged it every friday. We told all out secrets and stories. We passed these books to Lisa to hang on too for us. She'll treasure them just like we did. There magical just like tha pants, they hold our lives in there. Know one knows about the books, because we were suppose to keep them a secret, but I just shared with you all, a very big part of our friendship we shared. And so we will go and see the Second Sisterhood movie without Jessie. I hope she knows and I hope she'll come and watch it with us. Were bringing mama Lisa to watch it also. This second sisterhood movie, is about the four teenage gurls parting for college. Like I said before it is just like the lives of us LA Gurls. We will be going through the same thing in less then 10 days. Sarah leaves for South Carlina college. And on August 23rd Elaina and I will part for Plattsburgh. Im not that scared about losing the LA gurls, because our friendship is really like no other. We'll be so close for forever. Elaina and I will have sarah on the phone once a day all the way in south caroline. We'll be walking to class in snow and sarah will be walking in flip-flops and a bikini. I have to keep telling myself Jessie is here. I haven't gotten a sign in a while so I pray she'll give me one soon. Im gonna go to plattsburgh for a semester if it becomes to hard, Im not going to put my self through it, I'll come home and go to JCC, or Potsdam with Amanda. I know I'll have My sister elaina there and that will be the thing that will keep me strong and going, but I wish Jessie could be there. I'll bring her rat turd pillow with me. Dont worry Jessie i will make sure who ever comes in my room, they bttr not pull any rat turds out of it. My dorm room will be filled with soo much LA Gurl Love. Cuz thats who I am.
~Love your sisters love your self cuz ur only an LA Gurl for so long. I love you Jessie and I miss you more then anything in the whole wide world. Plz keep me strong.
Now that I have our new computer hooked up I am now able to get back to writing to you miss Jess. It has been just a few days past the 3 year anniversary that Jonnie went home to be with our Lord. It doesn't seem as though it has been that long and then it seems as though it's been forever. Life does go on but I still have moments when I miss you both so much and the tears do come. When I am out on the back deck having my morning coffee and everything is still except the birds coming to the feeders and the little hummers buzzing around. I ponder the moments when we were all together having the fun times at camp or just sitting around talking about nothing. It's the missing you that is so hard to except. I read what Emelia says about collage and how hard it is that you will not be there with her. I read how hard it is for your mom and everything she does reminds her of when you were with her doing the same things. Then I read how life does go on in a different way. I know that you would want it to be so. I was so proud of your mom when she got up on stage at your graduation night and spoke, giving your memorial scholarships to 4 of your classmates. I know it was one of the hardest things for her to do but life does go on and it was done. A few days ago I read thru all the things that were said at your going away day in that same place at school. I was making copies for Neva who asked me to bring them when we met for lunch. What a wonderful life you did have and all the lives you did touch in the short time you were with us. Keep smiling down on us all. I can still hear your giggle. Tell Jon he is greatly missed also.
Shine on Miss Jess.
Today is August 2nd, and I spent the day at the Stone Mills Craft Fair selling tickets for the 4 wheeler. We don't have to say a word and people are coming up to buy the tickets. Many people already recognize your beautiful face Jess. Last year Jess and I were there shopping for things to buy. I still can't believe I'm going thru this, this thing that only happens to other people. You read stories in the newspaper and watch the news and it is always about other people not about your daughter. I feel like I'm standing back and watching this happen because I have no control over what happens and sometimes it's scary, because I think of things that could happen. You try to put on a smile for the people but inside you are numb and wish you didn't even have to be doing this. but tomorow I will be there again selling tickets because it's for Jessie and the future senior classes at LaFargeville.
i remember when Jessie started pitching. we got her a pitchback to practice with. she was out in the driveway practicing and it wasn't going too well,she kept at it though. i looked out and felt so bad-she was sitting in the grass crying. she got right up and started again determined she was going to be a good pitcher. pretty soon she came storming in the house,up to her room and slammed the door. only a few minutes went by and down she came--right back out there and started right in again,pitching her heart out. her determination inspired me! when things got tough she got tougher-she's a lot like her mom,a very strong,loving,kind,compassionate person. grownups are supposed to be role models for children, Jessie was a role model to us all. I learned so much from her. i still am.
Lisa,
I am writing you to let you know we also turned down the gardisil shot yesterday for our daughter Andrea. Take care Lisa
j-mo
Lisa- Just wanted to let you know that Taylor had her first shot last August, but I am not continuing with the series. I have convinced some other mothers to do the same. In a tragic twist of fate, Jessie is continuing her dream to serve the public and safe lives.
Hi Jess, It has been 5 months today since you have been gone from us. 5 agonizing months. I can't even describe the rollercoaster ride this has been for all of us. Thank god that Tim used his video camera at times and I can still see you and hear your voice and your laughter that I miss so much. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that little bit of you. To watch you ski down grandpas hill and to listen to you make fun of Tim as he tries to ski down the hill. To watch you and all your girlfriends getting ready for the homecoming dance last October. I miss you so much I can't even put it into words. On Sunday July 20th, an article was written in the New York Post, and you were the main character. I had been speaking to the reporter about you and your life over the last few months. About your Gardasil vaccines and about how you felt after the 2nd one. We all know what happened Just 40 hours after the 3rd vaccine. You became ONE LESS!!!!!!! Although there is no way of proving that Gardasil Killed you, it is just to much of a coincidence for me. In the article in the N.Y. Post I am urging mothers and daughters to research Gardasil before making a decision. I wish I would have. Tim and I are taking a bunch of our friends and Jessie's friends to camp this weekend, it was Jessie's favorite place to go. I hope we can enjoy it. Love you Jess and miss you so much. P.S. watch over Emilia she needs you right now.
Well just got back from College orientation. I have to say it was torture and was prolly one of the worst things ever. I kinda just sat back and watched cliques and posies form all over, and just didn't really have any interest of talking to anyone or meeting anyone new. As I layed there one night with my roommate sleeping I thought about everything. Thought about how it was suppose to be Jessie here with me. She was the one suppose to be eating spaggehti O's with me, sleeping in my bed, and boy shopping with me. I just can't seem to get by that fact. As i remember someone wrote on here that they had lost a loved one and every time it rains and storms they find comfort in that, believing its that loved one giving them a sign that their ok. When I was at Plattsburgh it did nothing but rain and storm. So I'm praying that was Jessie, letting me know that its alright. I didn't want to go back in a month for actual classes, but I know I have to. I think I'll be ok. I have my sister there so she's my rock. Thank God for her, and her same college decision. I'm gonna be strong, I have to remember each day that Jessie is here guiding me along my new life path. And that is what keeps me going. I love you Jessie, my partner in crime.
~Love always and Forever La Gurl
hi jezzmo, i wanted to let people know that we haven't proven that Gardasil was the cause,there is no way to prove it was the drug, there is no testing yet available to prove beyond reason of a doubt it was Gardasil. This is our dilemma,we are getting a second opinion,not because we doubt every effort was taken to find the cause, but because of the results and its just what should be done no matter what the reason,a second opinion is just always a good idea. We suspect Gardasil because its the only thing we have to go on. There is a lot of buzz about Gardasil in the press now which is good. We need to get the word out that further investigation is warranted. We need to push for testing to prove its killing our young women. The drug company Merck is void of any legal action since it convinced the FDA that its the new cure for cervical cancer. Since the drug has become the governments new vaccine,the law states damages due to death are very minimal. The FDA inspectors were at the Merck factory for 30 days after finding whole lots of other drugs contaminated being distributed to the public. Four million Gardasil vaccines have been administered worldwide at 360 dollars a pop,billions of dollars have been made. Meanwhile reports to the CDC(Center for Disease and Control) are pooring in every day,one 12 year old girl is paralyzed,8 deaths have been reported , blood clots,violent siezures,the symptoms run the gammit.Like i said all we can do is watch while people die. We are doing our part,we are in contact with some people from the world press and lawyers famous for class action lawsuites.Waiting and wondering if we can make sure Jessie didn't pass away at the hands of money grubbing pharmaceutical companies and civil servants deeply inbedded in there pockets.
Jessie's Mom- I was supposed to get my last gardasil shot in june and i turned it down bc at the time i thought that it did have something to do with Jessie.havng now found out that it did have an effect on Jessie Im so thankful that i didn't get the last shot. the only reason i even thought about getting the shot was bc Dr. Jepma was pushing it on me. I dunno if he was the one to do the same to Jessie bc i do recall Jessie telling us that she went to him to.... but if so next time i go there I'll tell him he needs to stop pushing that shot on young girls. Im so happy that we now have the answer to Jessie's death.
I Miss you and Love You so much Jessie!!!!!!!!!!
So much has happened in the last week and I don't have all night to type so I'm just going to do a quick summary. GARDASIL KILLS. On the news last week it was on all the news channels about the adverse reactions alot of the girls are going thru after the vaccine. EVEN DEATH. On July 6th the New York Post did a report on Gardasil being probed for a possible link to 18 deaths. The article goes on to high lite some of the adverse reactions caused by this vaccine. Then it lists some fatalities, and Jessie's is the first one. There are no names of the ones who died but we all know it is Jessie's information. In a very round about way the reporter who wrote the article contacted me on the 9th of July. She wants to do another story for next Sunday's Post and she wants to feature Jessie and her story. I promise to do everything in my power to get the word out about this vaccine and the damage it is doing to our young girls. I don't want another mother to have to go thru what I have since Feb. 22nd. I'm thinking Jessie is the straw that will break the Camel's back. Jessie will be the reason that young girls will be aware of this drug and it's horrible affects. Jessie will have not died in vain. Thank you God for answering another one of my prayers. I love you Jessie and I miss you so much. MOM
hi sweety, well another trip to camp,it was very hard to be there without you Jezz. When we went to camp you were always really excited to go and always brought friends,camp just seems empty without you. When i went down to the rocks to say goodbye you were standing behind me weren't you,when i turned i caught a glimpse of a figure standing there all in white. I could feel a great sense of comfort and peace. Thankyou Jess. I love you.
Jessie, I can't even say how beautiful your headstone is. It's absolutely gorgeous. Amanda and I were at a lose of words when we saw it. It def. is the best one there, and you deserve it. I love you Jessie always and forever.
Jessie, Jessie, Jessie, OH how hard it was to be at graduation last night without you there. I got up on stage though, and presented the awards and I did it for you. I want you to know how proud I am of you and all of your classmates, they are all such wonderful young adults. I know they will never forget you. Today was Matthew's graduation and I cried because you would have been his escort down the aisle instead of me, you should have been their to holler his name when they presented him with his diploma. Matt cried when they presented him with your diploma, and all Jessie's friends were there to give him big hugs. I'm so proud of him also, he has gone thru so much. Today before my family left to go back to Syracuse we all went to the cemetary to take more flowers and so everyone could see the footer we poured earlier this year with all the knick knacks we put in the cement. We were there for about 15 minutes before it started to rain, so we all said goodbye and they headed back to Syracuse. As Tim, my mom and I pulled out of the cemetary there was a truck that had pulled off onto the shoulder waiting for us to leave. As we passed it Tim said that looks like Cozzi Monument, the truck had a lift gate on the back and was weighted down with something heavy. My heart lept in my chest as I had been praying for the last 2 weeks that Jessie's stone would please be here before graduation. Tim turned to me and said don't get your hopes up. So we went down the road and turned around. As we pulled into the cemetary they were parked in front of Jessie's gravesite, but the stone that was on the rear of the truck wasn't Jessie's and my heart sank. But they took the one on the rear off and there it was, Jessie's stone, the one we had been waiting for for so long. It was here for graduation or close enough for me. Thank you God. Tim got out to help them and mom and I went back to the house to get Steve and Lauries cell phone # so they could come back and see Jessie's stone. When we all got there it was pouring rain so hard but they put Jessie's stone in place anyway. Just as they finished it quite raining and when Cozzi drove away the SUN came out. Now Jessie has her name there for everyone to see. And on the back the title to a very special song that is on the CD the kids made for Jessie's Funeral. A headstone for a graduation present is so far from normal, but in this situation we are happy it's here.
hi sweety, Your mom was soooo brave up there on stage at graduation Jess. Thanx for the help picking out the scholarships,i wish we could have given one to every one of them. I am very proud of all your accomplishments and the positive impact you had on people. The class kicked L.A. ass getting scholarships and awards. I was unofficially informed there were some xtra funds available and there was talk of donating to the scholarship fund and possibly something in your memory at the new addition to the school. Your mom has always loved the Amish and how they live so i stopped and made arrangements for her to go and spend a day with them. Peter said he'd love to have her come for the day and could use an extra hand. The davies family all came for graduation and stopped by the house to watch the dvd your class made. Gramma,Steve,Laurie,and Maddie stayed the night to attend brother Matts graduation today. Matt did great going up and accepting your diploma,he was telling us he was offered a job at route 37 lumber,pretty awesome huh. Well Jess i better head to the Gal's to get some stuff to feed the clan for breakfast. Congradulations on all your accomplishments my best bud. We are all proud of you. I love and miss you.
hi jezz, i wanted you to know Jess i'm getting a second opinion from one of the leading forensic pathologists. I can't accept the results we have now. There has to be a reason. At least if i hear ,"we can't find why Jessie died," from two doctors it will be a little easier to understand,but still i will always wonder about the gardasil. Its not over yet sweety,i promised you i'd do my best to find out what happened to you and i will hold true to it. Gramma Denny is up for the graduations,brother Matt graduates too.Has been nice having him back in our lives.I will love him like a best bud as well if he allows me to. Jess i haven't touched Willy at all this year because its just not the same without you. I want you to know i dusted him off last weekend and i'm gonna see how much its gonna cost to get it running right.If its not too bad we'll go ridin again.Remember when we went to see the moving wall? We went with the top off the Jeep and it started to rain really hard. We laughed sooo hard all the way home and got drenched. I had so much fun with you.You were my daughter to me. I love you with all my heart and soul,I miss you every day.I will get mom through this somehow.I know you'll be there too.Shine on angel!
Tonight was the senior dinner and senior slide show at school. The last event together with the class before graduation and we all go our separate ways. Tomorrow I take the physics regents. Not gonna be a very pretty grade. Oo well nothing I need. I'm already graduating. I'm glad It's almost graduation. I'm just gonna make the finish line....limping across. It's been a tough ending to this school year. Not at all looking forward to graduation. Please help us all get throu it. Lisa and Tim need ya Jessie more than anything. I miss you more than ever and love you soooo much.
~Always and Forever La Gurl
Today is June 15th, 2008 today was a bad day. It seems that the weekends are harder to get thru, I try to keep myself busy but it doesn't work very well. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. Everything I do, or see, or hear is filled with memories of Jessie. I miss her so much and the pain is so great, will it every get any better? because its not for me. I'm thankful for one thing and that is that Matt came for dinner the other night, it was so good to have him here. There is someone else who keeps me smiling though and that is Tim, I don't know what I would do without him and then sometimes I don't know what to do with him, for example this picture. I think this hat belonged to Dylan or Dakota and it got left at the Farm one day when everyone went sledding. So Tim takes a picture and e-mails it to the Morrow's wanting to know if they are missing something. Just give me the strength to make it thru graduation.
Relay for Life was this weekend, wasn't really the same without Jessie there. This year It was only Amanda and I who participated on the Team. We were down Sarah, Elaina and Jessie. Sarah and Elaina had to scoop ice cream at the gal's for the night, so they couldn't make it. All us gurls use to walk around relay till 4am of course buying Cotton candy and fried dough. mmmm....Yummy! I remember last relay Jessie and Sarah were bases and they taught me how to be a flier for cheerleading. Elaina was the backspot. They put me up in a stunts. I had so much fun up in the air. Jessie would have loved it, This year they had a best buy tent with free guitar hero all night long. lol. Every year we make Team of hope shirts for relay.....Last year we each had a different type of cancer, and since Jessie was a major blonde we gave her brain cancer......so she had to wear a shirt that said brain. It was funny. So many good relay memories. I hope Lisa and Tim enjoyed thier dinner and evening with Matt. And I just wanna wish A late happy birthday to Gramma Dennie. Jessie Loves you all soo much. I miss and I love her everyday. Theres not a minute I don't think about her. Everything I do she comes up in some way. I know most of my difficult decisions I have made lately, I know Jessie has been helping me with. It's an amazing feeling. Although I wish I could see her too, like she can see me. It gets harder as it nears graduation for all us LA gurls. We have always said LA gurls for Life. Without Jessie physically here or there on Stage will be another one of the hardest things. Were all keeping each other strong. I love you Jess.
Always and Forever
jess we received the scholarship applications. Its sooo hard reading them and unfair that you were robbed of the oppurtunity to graduate. you graduated to a higher power and hope your halo has a tassle of the school colors. Miss you sooo much sweety. Love ya lots
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