i remember when i met you. you seemed like such a great person. i felt like you accepeted me from day one and i appreciate that. you never passed judgement. you never talked bad gossip. you always looked for the good in everyone and everything. you always came shining through. this mellow goofiness that made everyone feel at ease around you. i heard stories of you protecting a little kid on the bus from bullies. i heard stories about you being there for your best friends. i witnessed you being the best young woman you could be for your mom. i salute you jessie faye. you were an inspiration to me and i miss you so.

Hi Miss Jess,
What a good time I had while visiting your mom and Tim over the Christmas Holiday.  The outside was cold but we kept the fires stoked so I wouldn't freeze.   I got to see your name sake on Christmas Eve.  Little Jessie is such a mellow little bundle of joy.  Much different than the last time I saw her when she just got home from the hospital.  I got several pictures of her and her sister.  Still couldn't tell them apart.

We all missed your giggle around the table on game night.  I bet you could hear us all laughing and having a good time.  I could feel you with us as we all sat around and talked.  Many of your friends were there.  They are all growing up so fast.  Soon they will be back to collage and parts unknown getting on with life. 

A new year is here and the Gardasil war is still raging.  We all continue to fight to get it off the market.  It will happen but not before more families have the grief like us with the loss of a loved one because of greed.  I got back on the internet when I got home and read of several more girls effected by Gardasil.  They keep questioning,  WHY DID WE NOT KNOW OF THE SIDE EFFECTS!!!!  

SHINE ON MISS JESS

HAPPY NEW YEAR JESS I LOVE YA SWEETY

Little Maddy is soooo big. I am so happy she received your snow board Jess, she'll take good care of it. So glad Gramma Dennie is up to spend Christmas with Mama Lisa and Tim. I hope they have a great Christmas. I pray for the recovery of great grandma Fay. Merry Christmas Jessie. I love you and I MISS you <3

  HI JESS, I KNOW CHRISTMAS WAS YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR. I HAVE BEEN CONTINUING MY ROUNDS AT WORK MAKING THE RESIDENTS AT SAM KEEP HAPPY WITH MY GOOFY CHRISTMAS HATS AND GLASSES. I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER US ACTING GOOFY TOGETHER. TONIGHT I WILL PUT A LIGHT ON UNCLE JONNYS FLAG ON THE HILL AND SAY I LOVE YOU BOTH. MERRY CHRISTMAS JEZZMO. 

Hi Jess, it's Christmas Eve 2009 at 6:30 in the morning. I don't have to work today so I will write on your website. Grandama Dennie is here and trying to keep warm, we are keeping the woodstove cranking for her. We all went to see Great Grandma Fay the other day and she was so excited that all her kids were there to see her. All 5 of them and me, she was like a little kid with a new present. Unfortunately yesterday she fell and broke her hip, which isn't a good thing for a 94 year old. Surgery was done late yesterday and now comes the challenge to keep her spirits up and get her through this. Jess I gifted your Snowboard and boots to Maddy on the 19th when I went to get Mom in Syracuse. Over Thanksgiving Laurie mentioned that Maddy was in her school's Ski Club and taking lessons. I knew immediately what I would do with your Snowboard. It has been in your room all this time and I had no desire to do anything with it. I know you will approve as Maddy is your most favorite cousin and you 2 love each other very much. Just keep her safe on the slopes OK Jess. Even though it was so hard to do this I know Maddy was so touched to receive it and will treasure it because it was yours. Merry Christmas Jess it's such a struggle to do this without you. Love you and Miss you MOM

Hi Miss Jess,
I will be up north in just two more days to spend Christmas with your mom Tim and Matt.  It will be my first Christmas up there in many years.  I know how much you enjoyed the cold and snow but that is not me.  I have gone through my clothes and got everything that is warm.  I can see myself all huddled up next to the stove in the cellar trying to get warm.  I can hear you giggling at me and what a sight I am.  I don't have any long under wear so will have to get some when I arrive.   Being a Florida person for these many years has made me a wimp when it comes to the cold.  I'll make a snowman for you if there is enough snow. 
We will be up on the hill to see you where you are resting. 
Oh by the way.  Max has been missing for over a month now so I am sure he is up there with you.  Keep an eye out for him and comb him when you can get ahold of him.  He get furballs under him tummy that need to be pulled out.
Can't wait to see everyone in Lafargeville over the Holidays.
Take care.  Till we meet again. 

Happy Thanksgiving Jessie. Fill your belly. I miss you sooooo much 

NOV. 22, 2009. THIS YEAR IS ALMOST TO AN END, IT HAS BEEN 1 YEAR AND 9 MONTHS SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING FROM MY LIFE. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO DWELL IN THE PAST BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I HAVE NOTHING TO FILL MY VOID. TIM, GRANDMA AND I, WERE ON A ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY RADIO TALK SHOW LAST MONDAY NIGHT. OTHER MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS WERE ON THE SHOW ALSO. WE ALL TALKED ABOUT HOW GARDASIL HAS AFFECTED OUR LIVES IN THE LAST YEAR. MOST OF THE DAUGHTERS THAT SPOKE ARE STILL VERY SICK FROM THE VACCINE. SOME ARE GETTING WORSE. IT STILL BAFFLES MY MIND THAT MOM'S OUT THEIR DON'T HAVE A CLUE HOW DEVASTATING THIS VACCINE IS. SOME KNOW BUT THEY TAKE THE CHANCE ANYWAY. IT'S LIKE PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULLET WITH YOUR DAUGHTER HOPING SHE DOESN'T GET THE BULLET. HOW STUPID IS THAT. ON ANOTHER NOTE, THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US AND I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO STRUGGLE THROUGH THIS SEASON. BEING WITH FAMILY HELPS BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT ALONE IN MY GRIEF. LAST WEEKEND I BROUGHT HOME ALL THE BANNERS AND PICTURE BOARDS THAT WERE PUT UP ON THE WALL AT SCHOOL FOR JESSIE'S FUNERAL. THEY WERE UPSTAIRS AT THE FARM AND I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THEM. SOME OF THE PICTURES I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE AND IT WAS SO WONDERFUL TO SEE THEM BUT ON THE OTHER HAND IT WAS HEARTBREAKING ALSO. THE LONG BANNERS THAT THE KIDS IN SCHOOL SIGNED WERE AWESOME. SO MANY KIDS NEW JESSIE. SPEAKING OF SCHOOL, IT IS GETTING IT'S ADDITION STARTED THIS FALL AND JESSIE WAS SO EXCITED WHEN SHE FOUND OUT THE BUDGET PASSED AND THE NEW BUILDING WAS APPROVED. TIM AND I BEFORE WE LEFT FOR WORK ALWAYS WROTE A LITTLE NOTE ON A NOTE PAD BETWEEN US, IT WAS OUR LITTLE WAY OF COMMUNICATING. ONE MORNING JESS WROTE THAT THE SCHOOL BUDGET PASSED AND SHE WROTE IN BIG LETTERS YAHOO.

Hi Jess. It's November 1st and the sun has come up and it's about 43 degrees. A beautiful fall day. Today Tim and I are going to visit Grandma Fay who has been transferred to a rehabilitation home. Since her stroke on the 19th she has had trouble with her speech. As strokes go it could have been much worse than it was. Grandma still has use of both her arms and legs but it has slowed her down considerably. I always remember grandma as being so strong and ambitious, nothing kept her down. Like you, once she got something in her head she wouldn't quit until it was done to her satisfaction. Now her age is finally showing and it is very frustrating to her that she can't speak as she did before the stroke. God willing she will regain her speech and be able to go home. Yesterday was a milestone for me. I was able to go thru your closet with all your clothes. I talked myself into giving some of your jeans to someone that could wear them. I found your cheerleading warm-up suit, an old basketball uniform top, your Girl Scout vest with all the badges and all the badges that wouldn't fit. Your softball uniform, minus the Jersey because you had to turn that in, and your pink slippers that looked like dinosaur feet. You still make me laugh! I can go no further with your room though. Everything else must remain for now, all your pictures and trophies and everthing else that is you. I cry everytime I think about taking down stuff because I feel I'm getting rid of you and I CAN'T DO IT! I Love you and miss you so much. MOM

HAPPY HOLLOWEEN JESS

thank god jess loved holmes my cat. holmes was my spoiled cat and jess just loved him so. i remember she couldn't get him to come in her room and hang out so she kept bringing him in and playing with him and loving him. finally he got so he would go in and crash on her bed. then he puked on her clothes and that was the end of that. lol as you know jess gramma faye has had a heart attack. she can no longer speak and lost some of her functions. i know your there with her cause you loved her soooo much. i set the video camera on the table at camp and sat with gramma faye who is 94 and asked her to tell me her life story. she did and it fills one tape and part of another. she remembers everything in great detail even the dates. i hope to see her at camp again. jess i miss ya. really bad.

OCTOBER 1, 2009- THIS EVENING BEFORE IT GOT DARK, I WAS COLLECTING ALL THE THINGS LEFT IN THE GARDEN. I DIDN'T PLANT THEM BUT THERE WAS ABOUT 40 SMALL PUMPKINS THAT I PICKED. EVERYTHING I DO BRINGS A MEMORY OF YOU. YOU AND YOUR BROTHER COULDN'T WAIT TO CARVE YOUR PUMPKINS FOR HALLOWEEN AND OF COURSE YOU BOTH THOUGHT YOURS WAS THE BEST. THERE WAS 2 PUMPKINS WHICH I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE, THEY WERE ALMOST WHITE WITH ORANGE SPECKLES. YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THEY WERE SO NEAT. I REMEMBER ONE OF THE DANCES AT SCHOOL WHEN ALL YOU GIRLS DRESSED UP, AND YOU WENT AS A COP WITH FISHSTRING STOCKINGS, SHORT SHORTS, WHITE BUTTON UP SHIRT COMPLETE WITH HAND CUFFS AND YOUR AVIATOR SUN GLASSES. MR HOOVER MET YOU AT THE DOOR AND ASKED IF YOUR MOTHER KNEW WHAT YOU WERE WEARING. I HAD NO IDEA, BUT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT WHEN YOU GOT HOME AND WE LAUGHED. I MISS HEARING YOU LAUGH SO MUCH ALTHOUGH I DO HEAR IT IN MY HEAD WHEN I THINK YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS FUNNY, WHICH WAS ALL THE TIME. I THINK OF YOU EVERYDAY ALL DAY AND I STILL CRY EVERYDAY FOR YOU. I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT YOU WOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF YOU WERE STILL WITH US. YOU WOULD BE BACK AT COLLEGE GOING TO ALL THE FOOTBALL GAMES AND DOING EVERYTHING YOU POSSIBLY COULD. THIS SATURDAY IS THE 2ND ANNUAL BREAKFAST AT OMAR CHURCH AND ALL THE PROCEEDS GO TO YOUR SCHOLARSHIP FUND. WE ARE STILL FIGHTING GARDASIL. THERE IS A WOMAN IN SCOTLAND THAT COLLECTED ALL THE INFORMATION SHE COULD ON THE DEATHS AND INJURIES FROM GARDASIL AND MADE A DOCUMENT FROM IT, A VERY LARGE DOCUMENT, ALONG WITH A REPORT FROM ONE OF THE DOCTORS WHO IS STANDING UP AGAINST IT. THIS REPORT HAS BEEN MAILED TO ALL THE POLITICIANS THE PRESIDENT AND ANYONE ELSE THAT WILL LISTEN. ALREADY THERE HAS BEEN SO MUCH POSITIVE FEEDBACK FROM THIS REPORT, OVER 74,000 AND COUNTING. THE MOVEMENT IS STARTING TO GROW, BUT IT IS STILL NOT FAST ENOUGH. WATCH OVER MIL FOR US AND THE OTHER GIRLS. I LOVE YOU. P.S. TODAY EMILIA AND ELAINA ARE 20 YEARS OLD, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS.

Hi Miss Jess,  Things are moving along here in Florida.  On Wednesday a news reporter came here from Jacksonville to do a story on YOU and Gardasil.  The report was on the news on Thursday.  It was over 5 minutes long and it told your story.  I know it will      prevent many girls in the viewing area from receiving the gardasil shot and maybe will bring to lite other girls who have been effected by the shot and do not know it.  The    report is now being sent to several countries telling them your story.  Leslie Botha has put it on her web site so more girls will see it there also.  Leslie  also has a radio            program and has asked me to be on it again.  Your mom, Tim and I were on it last year  to help spread the word and tell your story.  You are our catalyst to keep working to    get this vaccine off the market.  More and more girls and young women have been        effected by Gardasil and more and more families have joined the fight to remove it from the market.    We continue to fight because you would want us to.  We do it for you.    
Miss you Miss Jess.  SHINE ON!!!!                                                                                        

hi jezzmo,whats crackin? lets go to camp this weekend. we got mom a used kayak and its all loaded up. my nephew Keith will be coming up for the first time. his mom(my sister)took me in when my parents passed away,he's like a lil bro to me. you'd like him cause he likes to take pictures lol. i miss ya sweety,its hard knowing you would have been in your second year of college already. all the other people have gone back. you and Emelia take the summer off and regroup,have some fun you missed out on the last year or so. i went and talked with bud green from froggy 97 who lost 2 daughters last summer and gave him your website info. we are going to get together with him and his family sometime we hope. well jess gotta load the truck and head for work. watch over us this weekend and help us cope i love you jess shine on

Cleaning my room, cabinets and closet sorting through A LOT of old stuff I really needed to get rid of. Came across a dozen funny letters and post-it notes you wrote me. haha man it was the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae. Thank you Jessie because they made my day today. I love you

Hey Jessie - I need your help - our cat "angel" passed away today after living a wonderful 15 pampered years... can you take care of her for us?    You will know her as soon as you see her - she's black, thin and very mouthy.... it will help amanda and us to know that she is in your wonderful hands and will be loved until we all meet again... We miss you Jess and there isn't  a day that goes by that doesn't bring us something to remind us of you..... Enjoy heaven's newest addition Jess - I know you will take good care of her for us....

TODAY IS AUGUST 24, 2009. GARDASIL HAS BEEN BACK IN THE HEADLINES AND ON THE EVENING NEWS AGAIN. THIS TIME A REPORT FROM THE CDC WAS PUBLISHED SAYING THAT GARDASIL IS CAUSING INJURIES AND MAYBE EVEN DEATHS. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THE CDC HAS STEPPED FORWARD AND SAID THIS STUFF. OMAR DAYS WAS FUN FOR EVERYONE, STEVE, LAURIE, AND MADDIE GOT TO COME THIS YEAR. ALSO THIS WAS THE 2ND ANNUAL JAY BURROWS BARN DANCE. JAY AND HIS FAMILY AND MANY FRIENDS PUT THIS TOGETHER SO HE COULD RAISE MONEY FOR 3 SCHOLARSHIPS. ONE OF THEM WAS JESSIE'S SCHOLARSHIP. JAY MADE ME GET UP IN FRONT OF THE CROWD AND SAY A FEW THINGS. IT LOOKED LIKE A MINI WOODSTOCK, THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE THERE. THEN JAY AND DILLON AND SOME OF HIS FRIENDS PLAYED MUSIC FOR A GOOD PORTION OF THE NIGHT. JENNA SANG ALSO. WHAT A GATHERING IT WAS SOMETHING TO SEE, FROM BABIES ALL THE WAY UP TO THE YOUNG AT HEART. ALL DANCING AND HAVING A GOOD TIME. YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED IT JESS, ALL EXCEPT FOR THE PORT A POTTY. I SAT IN THE LUNCH ROOM TODAY AND LISTENED TO ALL THE MOTHERS TELL HOW THEIR DAUGHTERS ARE BACK AT COLLEGE NOW. IT'S SO DEPRESSING BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE. EMILIA, WE WILL HAVE TO KEEP EACH OTHER COMPANY. LOVE MOM

Jessie,

Today was the day everyone left. Jeff got a house in potsdam with other guys, Alicia has a teaching job in governour so we moved her in her apartment today, and of course Elaina went back to Plattsburgh today without me. I have decided to take a semester off as I switched my major to be a dental hygienist. I always found myslef depressed and sad at plattsburgh without you, so not going back is one big anchor lifted. However, It was Elaina and my first time saying goodbye for so long. We have never been apart for more then a week. I plan on visiting her often. The house here is very quiete. Just my parents, mitch and I. I am still working at the gals for as long as they need me, I guess it will keep me busy as most my friends are away to college. I miss you soooo much Jessie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Miss Jess,  I tried to get your last favorite color which I thought is purple as it is the color of your room.  It's been quite a while since I have written to you but I have not stopped thinking of you.
I have been on the one chat room "LETS TALK ABOUT GARDASIL". A few days ago a young girl named Kaylee wrote about herself and the problems she is having since her vaccination.  She wanted to thank all the women that have been sending suggestions for her and her mother on how to detox her body and other things to rid her body of the toxins she has from Gardasil.   Her message sounded so much like you and I wrote and told her so.  If you were here instead of thinking of yourself you would be thinking of others.  Today was OMAR DAY in your little neighborhood.  Your mom and Tim both said they had a good turnout and everyone had a good time.  I sure wish I could be there.  Maybe one in the future I can get to. 
The picture that Tim posted is the BEST.  He sent us one bwo e-mail.  I hope Stan can make me a copy of it for my slide picture frame. 
Miss you much.  Shine On Miss Jess!!    

best friends forever

i love you jessie  shine on angel

HI JESS. YOUR SECOND 4TH OF JULY IN HEAVEN, AND THE SECOND 4TH OF JULY THAT I HAVEN'T GONE TO SEE ANY FIREWORKS. I REMEMBER WHEN WE ALWAYS HAD TO GO SEE THE FIREWORKS AND WE WOULD MOST OF THE TIME BE AT CAMP. EVEN THOUGH SPECULATOR WAS A SMALL TOURIST TOWN, BOY COULD THEY PUT ON A FIREWORKS SHOW. WE WOULD ALL GO TO TOWN EARLY SO YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES COULD WALK AROUND THE SMALL FAIR THEY HAD. EVERYONE ELSE WOULD GO ACROSS THE ROAD AND SET UP CHAIRS AND BLANKETS AT THE END OF LAKE PLEASANT AND WAIT FOR IT TO BECOME DARK. WHEN IT WAS ALMOST TIME FOR THE SHOW YOU AND YOUR BUDDIES WOULD SHOW UP WITH COTTON CANDY AND SOME GLOW STICK NECKLACE THINGS. WHEN THE SHOW STARTED IT WAS WONDERFUL TO SEE AND HEAR WITH THE BOOMS ECHOING OFF THE MOUNTAINS ALL AROUND, IT WAS SO LOUD AND WE ALL LOVED IT. EVERYTHING I DO STILL REMINDS ME OF YOU. I LOVE YOU. MOM

Life goes on!  And I hate that life goes on all around us but I'm still stuck in the past.  I'm still stuck at missing you and I keep thinking if the future without you.  No helping you with your first apartment or home. No wedding, No baby shower. No lunches just because.  No nothing with you in the future.  God how I hate that part.  As I sit here and type, I see a little booklet on my desk that Jessie wrote in, it must have been when she was around 13.  On one page she wrote " I will keep on loving my mom till the day she dies and still after that,  then she goes on to describe why.  

     I am grateful for the people who keep Jessie's Memory Fund going.  This year the Golf Tournament was a success and will be a go for next year.  I made a promise that I will be a golfer in next years tournament, even though I can't golf..  I guess I had better start practicing.  Love you Jess.  MOM

 

Happy 4th of July Jess...I bet fire works in Heaven are Beautiful